Adoption And Why It’s Part Of Our Story

Since beginning my blog, I have had so many people approach and say that they have considered adopting. They come from all backgrounds with so many different stories and reasons as to why they want to adopt. Some have birth children and have decided they have space and time and love in their families to give to an adopted child.  Some have been trying for years to have birth children and have been battling infertility, so adoption is the only way for them to create their family.  

Adoption. There are so many different reasons for deciding to adopt. These are ours.

I guess we fall between the two. From when we first met, we both knew that we wanted children.  I was very aware that time was ticking – Mr N was 34 and I was just turned 30. Not old in the grand scheme of things, but we did want to wait until we were married before we started trying, and obviously time ticks on relentlessly!  So, this was definitely on our minds, and we had talked about the possibility of adopting.  


We knew that we had time, space, finances and love to give to children, and whether they were birth or adopted didn’t really make a huge amount of difference.  However, it seemed right to try to have birth children before we made the decision about adoption. In my naivety, I sort of assumed that it would all just fall into place.  It’s obvious isn’t it! You date, get married and start having kids a year or so later. That’s what happened with pretty much all of my friends, so it never occurred to me that we might be different.


So for a few years we kept trying with no success at all.  After 2 years we decided that we should probably look into what was going on and that’s when we found out that the likelihood of us falling pregnant was pretty slim.  I was diagnosed with fibroids and Mr N was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes – not a great mix! That’s when the reality kicked in.  


We talked long and hard about what to do, and made the decision that we were willing to try IVF for one shot. That was it!  I wasn’t prepared to go through it more than once.  I know that I have a bit of an addictive personality and become very emotionally caught up in things I do, so doing it more than once would undoubtedly push me to the very limit of what I could deal with.  So imagine our delight when we found out, after one shot of IVF, that we were pregnant.  It felt so very right and we were so incredibly overjoyed that we made the mistake of telling everyone – at 2 weeks!  Yep, as soon as we had the positive outcome, we were telling the world.


That is the biggest thing I regret!  


8 weeks later we found out that we were experiencing what the medical profession call a ‘missed miscarriage’. Utter heartbreak. We talked again about whether we should go through one more treatment of IVF, but I knew that emotionally I just couldn’t take it.  So, after thinking long and hard, and giving ourselves time to grieve, we decided to go down the adoption route.  


I’ve heard so many people say that the whole process was intrusive, emotional, upsetting and stressful, but in all honesty we didn’t find that at all.  After experience a miscarriage, the adoption process was a walk in the park. 18 months later, I couldn’t be more delighted with where we are now.

Adoption


Yes, adopting definitely has it’s up’s and down’s.  I’d never heard of secondary trauma before we adopted, but we’ve experienced it now – and it’s not fun!  We’ve had a huge time of readjustment for all of us in order to build our little family.  But watching Little Sir skip to school in the morning, or watching Little Miss read her books, my heart swells with love.  I love my children with all of my heart and, if I had to go through heartache to get them, well, I’m sure now that it was worth it.

Want To Join Our Tribe?

Join our Tribe today to get great insider tips from a Headteacher about everything from bullying to school lunches to talking to the class teacher!

Powered by ConvertKit
Share:

11 Comments

  1. January 23, 2017 / 8:41 pm

    I remember we discussed adoption when we first started trying and we both agreed that it was a road we would go down if things didn’t work out. But the reality I realise must be very different. I have a friend who adopted, who I know did find it a long, drawn out and intrusive process, so I’m glad to hear that it wasn’t like that for you. To go from no children to two in such a short space of time must have had it’s challenges, so I’m full of admiration for you! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • cherrynewby
      January 23, 2017 / 8:45 pm

      Thanks so much – the change from none to 2 has been a bit of a challenge, but it’s so lovely that they have each other – even if they drive each other nuts most of the time :). x

  2. January 25, 2017 / 11:23 am

    Such an emotional rollercoaster of a post – I felt for them so much at the loss of their IVF baby but those tears swiftly turn to ones of joy. A brave post and one I am sure will be helpful to many xx

    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime xx

  3. January 25, 2017 / 1:23 pm

    I know friends who’ve adopted and they’re really happy with the way things turned out too. The process itself was hard, but it was all worth it. #bestandworst

    • cherrynewby
      January 25, 2017 / 5:20 pm

      Absolutely – I would do it all over again in a heart beat! Thanks for reading x

  4. January 27, 2017 / 11:22 pm

    I guess I’m a bit old fashioned too in that I would assume it would all fall into place too. Fortunately for us that was the case but I think it’s fantastic to adopt too. #bestandworst

    • cherrynewby
      January 29, 2017 / 10:12 pm

      Thanks so much for reading and your lovely comment. x

  5. January 29, 2017 / 12:03 pm

    What a journey you have been through. I am so glad to hear you have your family now, despite the long road to get there. It is fantastic that you found the adoption process fairly straightforward. #bestandworst

    • cherrynewby
      January 29, 2017 / 10:06 pm

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment – it took a while but I’m loving it now the journey is over! x

  6. February 22, 2017 / 9:19 pm

    Popping over prompted by the Accelerator and always interested to read adoption stories as someone who is adopted and I love how people find it in their hearts to give a child a second chance. I have never heard of secondary trauma so must look that up. You are doing a very amazing thing and all the very best to you. I think you made a very positive choice – hats off to those who do IVF over and over but it must be so stressful.
    So sorry for your loss too

    • cherrynewby
      February 23, 2017 / 4:53 pm

      Thanks for your lovely comment. I had no idea about secondary trauma until I adopted but it’s fascinating (if a little bit scary) stuff! x

Leave a Reply