To my dearest darling boy.
Tomorrow is your first day of school. You are so excited! You have talked about how many best friends you are going to make (currently 600), what you are going to tell your new friends about (Star Wars of course!) and what you are going to play at playtime. Uniform has been bought and tried on – several sizes too big it seems! Your lunch is packed, PE kit is ready and shoes are polished and named.
I am really excited for you to start school. You are so interested in the world and I know that you are going to learn everything really quickly. Every day you will come home with yet more knowledge that you have picked up, ready to tell me all about it. And I’ll pretend I don’t know any of it – I’ll let you tell me it as though it’s my first time, and you will relish teaching me. Your Daddy is excited to teach you to read and you are looking forward to sharing it with him. I’ll try really hard to not take over or get in the way – but I can’t promise! You are ready!
The thing is, I’m not sure I am ready for your first day of school! In the 18 months you have been mine, you haven’t been away from me for so long. Pre-school was only 3 hours a day, and your outdoor school was 5 but only for 3 days a week. This will be the first time you are away from me every day. And I’m going to miss you – so very desperately. I know you have been frustrated with me this weekend. Every time you’ve wandered past me, I’ve grabbed you for a quick hug or kiss. I’ve wanted just one more kiss, just one more snuggle. I’ve wanted to sit with you on the sofa when you wanted to play on the floor. It’s just that, I don’t want to let you go.
I know that this is the next step for you on your life journey, and I will support you all the way. I will be there to fight your battles with you, encourage you when frustration threatens to take over, cheer you up when a friendship becomes rocky and pick you up if things get too hard. You are the most gorgeous, adorable, funny, compassionate, empathetic little man I have ever met. And I am so lucky that I get to be your mummy.
So tomorrow I will enthusiastically help you get ready for your first day of school. I will wave you off with a big kiss and a smile, knowing you are going to have the best time. And I will not let you know that, inside, I am holding back the tears. You will never see how hard it is for me to let you go – even for 5 hours a day. But I will hold you that little tighter at the end of each day, pleased to have you back in my arms, before school comes round again the next day.
You are my sunshine and light my darling boy – I can’t wait to see what you make of the world and what the world makes of you.
All my love – Mummy xx
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