Adoption : There Are Always Two Sides To The Story

Recently I have become increasingly concerned with posts I have been seeing on Social Media with regards to adoption. I am so aware, having adopted children, that there are always two sides to a story, and that each story can be told with a different slant on it. But I’m not sure that everyone else really thinks their actions through.

This is what really worries me for my children in the future – imagine this:

In 10/15 or so years time, one of the children’s birth parents puts a notice out on Facebook. It reads something like this:

Dear Facebook Friends, I hope you can help me.  Many years ago, my children were taken from me by social workers for no good reason.  I fought hard to keep them and did everything Social Workers asked but nothing I did was good enough. They made the decisions about me without listening to my side.  I have thought about my babies everyday of my life.  I keep them in my heart every day and my heart breaks every birthday and Christmas.  It would make my life if you could help me be reunited with them.  Please, please share as wide as you can and help me reunite my family.

And then they would add details of the children’s names, where they were born, perhaps pictures of what they looked like when they were children, and perhaps where they think they currently are.  At this point, the power of Facebook would kick in.  Well meaning people would read the story and feel that they needed to help.  They would share the post across the world, often commenting with heartfelt emotions.

All of these people think they are helping.  They only see the good.  The thing is, they don’t know the whole story. No one will except the immediate family.  We know what happened – we have documentation of what went on.  The post from the birth parents is their story – their truth – and not necessarily the real truth.

I don’t want my children to be ‘found’ by their birth parents.  I don’t want social media to take away their choice. It’s up to them, when they are old enough and mature enough, to make that decision. And we will support them, no matter what they decide.  We will talk together as a family, make sure they know what they are doing and make sure they are safe as they go through what is bound to be a traumatic time.  But, we can’t do this if they are ‘found’ by their birth parents. We can’t make provision for this! It scares me!

So really what I’m asking is – if you see a post from a birth parent on Social Media – please think twice before sharing.  I know you are doing it from the goodness of your heart – but please please think. Every story has two sides, and the post will only tell one side. Please consider how the child (even if it is an adult child) may feel to be ‘found’.  If they want to be ‘found’ then they will do the finding.

Please, before you hit ‘share, please just stop a moment and think.  It might just keep an adopted child safe.

 

My Petit Canard

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20 thoughts on “Adoption : There Are Always Two Sides To The Story

  1. Mackenzie Glanville

    Oh I have never seen this, or even thought about it happening, but I am so glad I read this what an awful thing. Surely if the birth parents had any respect and love for the child that they gave birth to they wouldn’t do this, they should want the best for the child an know just randomly showing up and saying I found you through Facebook wouldn’t be the best way to handle such a sensitive situation. I am sure that some people have had a rough deal, but for the most part the system gets it right, they know when a child is unsafe and the birth parent is unfit to raise a child. Children are not taken away lightly, so I wouldn’t trust these people anyway and I wouldn’t share. I am sorry you have to worry about this for your children xx #MarvMondays
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Happiness and Pain Levels #mgMy Profile

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  2. Kirsten Toyne

    I haven’t seen these posts but I can really understand your concern. Someone I know has chosen not to try to find birth family and that is a personal choice. I had not considered the impact of social media with this issue. This has been a very thought provoking post. Thank you. #twinklytuesday
    Kirsten Toyne recently posted…The Mixed Feelings Of PregnancyMy Profile

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    1. cherrynewby Post author

      Thanks so much for your lovely comment – I hadn’t really been aware until I had my children how dangerous social media could be! x

      Reply
  3. Chilli Regina

    Thank you for sharing with us. It really made me think about the impact of SM and sharing stories troughout the net. I unuderstand your concerns and hope people will think twice before pressing the button share. I will. But I will def share your post!!;)
    #TwinklyTuesday

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  4. Meg

    I’ve seen this too and have been reluctant to share for these reasons. Sometimes with social media things just run away and before you know it there are real-life implications! #ablogginggoodtime

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    1. cherrynewby Post author

      Absolutely – I think sometimes being able to do things at the click of a button makes it too easy to do them without thinking through the consequences!

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    1. cherrynewby Post author

      Thanks Carol – it does really worry me but I think if we can educate people then we can begin to keep everyone safe online!

      Reply
  5. Lauren M

    I have seen posts like this and my first thought is always that things aren’t that straight forward and there is always another side to the story. I never share them because, although I have no experience of adoption etc, I don’t think it’s the right way to go about things. I’m glad I listened to my gut and your post perfectly and eloquently shows why. Families are complicated at the best of time and sometimes a bit of subtlety is needed. SO glad to have come across your blog, off for a little peruse with my tea 🙂

    Reply
  6. Mrs H

    Gosh, I had no idea that this kind of post was circulating on social media. Thank you for raising awareness. And you are 100% right, it is the children’s prerogative to decide whether they want to find their birth parents. That should not be a decision that is forced upon them. Hugs Lucy xxxx
    Mrs H recently posted…An open letter to our first babyMy Profile

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  7. Farmerswifeandmummy

    I totally agree. I am adopted and I think if this had happened to me it would have completely messed me up. As an adopted child, it is your family that is your your safe place. Having that rug pulled from under your feet would be so detrimental. I would never share and would actually be very upset if I saw this on social media.

    Reply
    1. cherrynewby Post author

      Thank you so much for your reply and I’m so pleased to hear it from your perspective as well. It’s sometimes hard to know as an adoptive parent if you are doing the right thing, but I’m just relying on my gut instinct, so I’m really pleased to hear that I have got it right! x

      Reply

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